How to be a hacker.

In this day and age, there is a ton of information out there. I decided that I want to write up a little guide of what is actually important when you are learning to be a hacker.  This is the no bullshit guide to becoming somebody who matters.

1. Don’t worry about actually learning to code.

You don’t really need to learn to code.  Once you get accepted into the underground hacker culture you will be able to get all of the code you need from the elite in IRC.  You should learn enough to compile some C code and upload something to a web server.

2. Come up with a really badass hacker handle.

You should come up with a sick hacker handle, preferably one that uses 1337 5p34k.  Think along the lines of cryptography and hacking.  Things like Cryp70 and System0verride are some examples.  Just remember, they have to show off really how much you know about being a hacker.

3. Learn the lingo.

If you are going to get taken seriously you need to learn the lingo that hackers use.  You also need to make sure that you use it as often as possible.  You need to be constantly impressing people.  You never really know who is lurking in IRC and watching to possibly recruit you for the next big Anonymous operation.

4. Buy some Twitter followers.

A sure fire way to earn some credibility is to buy some Twitter followers and start Tweeting.  Make sure that you get over 9000 followers though. Otherwise, you wasted your time.  It won’t matter that you don’t get any engagement.  Nobody notices that stuff.

5. Don’t waste your time on crap code.

If you download some code off of exploit DB and it doesn’t work right, it is probably just shit.  If they were good hackers you wouldn’t need to understand it to use it.

6. Learn Sqlmap.

Learn Sqlmap and use it to deface as many dead/inactive gerbil and family cat blogs as you can.  Make sure that you leave a message on the homepage that says something like “Hacked by N0tan00b”.   You should also make sure that you say you did it for political reasons, that makes everything justifiable.

7. Install Kali, on everything.

If you have something that has a processor, you should install Kali on it.  Your cell phone, a Raspberry Pi, a few USB sticks, Whatever you can get your hands on, install Kali on it.

8. Install Tor Browser.

Tor is a 100% foolproof way to hack shit and not get caught.  Not even governments can crack through Tor so you will be safe just by having Tor Browser Bundle installed on your machine.

9. Don’t waste your time with Linux.

Linux is a waste of time and you should probably just stick with Windows.  You don’t need the terminal, you have CMD installed by default on your system and all of the good tools have a GUI.

10. DDoS something.

DDoS a website or something. Again, make sure that it is for political reasons.  DDoS attacks are real hacking no matter what anybody else says.  If you can take down a huge system like Steam or something you are a real badass and you are 1337.  Now go Tweet it to your fake twitter followers, and probably buy some retweets.

11. Change your social media profile pictures.

You should change your social media profile pictures to something hacker related.  Maybe the Anonymous suit thing or their globe image thing.  This is important because you want to make sure that all of your grandma’s friends know not to fuck with you, and it gives you credibility on Twitter.

Here are some examples:

12. If it’s not illegal, you’re doing it wrong.

If what you’re doing isn’t illegal, you need to go work on something else.  Spending time learning things that can’t possibly land you in jail is a complete waste of time.

13. Get yourself a dark colored hoodie.

You need to get a hoodie, and wear it every day.  I would say sleep in it, but you will never sleep, you are a hacker for crying out loud.  Also, if you can get a Defcon one perfect, othewise get one that has the Kali logo or something.

Thank you reddit user the1rob.

14. The only friends you need are on IRC.

You don’t need to go into the real world, you don’t need personal social media accounts, and all those people you hung out with in high school are skids and a waste of time.  Remember, you are a hacker so be as anti-social as possible because nobody is going to understand you anyways because you say everything in 1337 5P33k,

Thank you reddit user the1rob.

15. Shave your head, and get a barcode tattoo.

Shave your head bald, it makes you look super hardcore, and it goes well with a neck beard.  Additionally, you could get a barcode tattoo on the back of your head, or maybe a QR code that points to hackforums.net.

Thank you commenter HackSpirit

 

Overall you should pretty much not have to learn anything to be a really badass hacker.  You don’t actually need to learn C or any of the web languages, you should just read stuff on hacking forums and give it a whack.

If I am missing anything, please leave a comment so I can add it to the post.  I want to make sure that everyone is getting the education that they need deserve.

Daniel is a freelance web developer and IT consultant with a passion for security and privacy. Although he isn't much of a writer, he enjoys writing blog posts that help out others in the community.

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